Monday, Monday

RSVP, every morning, 7 am, outermost table, iced venti soy latte in hand; I sit. I see the two most scrappiest, broken birds this morning; like every other morning. I react the same way every time. I stop typing and stare. Little creatures escaped from hell, too evil to have wings, they trot, uncomfortably. I am still staring, the man behind them winks at me. I have to remember to keep my staring in check. I smile and nod in the direction of the odd little reptilian forks with black bodies attached; hoping he will get the message. Sidetracked already, and the clock is ticking.

I was intending to use this morning as a brainstorming session for poem #4. It is not an easy one. It is called 20 poetry projects; in other words a laundry list of things that need to be included in some creatively intertwined way. I wince. I can already say that this morning is not the morning that I will decide on a topic worthy of this kind of commitment. My mind is somewhere else. My grandfather would have been 91 today. Instead he has been at rest since 89y10m15d. It is that season again where I feel a great nostalgia, and the eye opening ways of the creation of life, followed closely by fear of loss. Are these not the great themes of life; loss and love, holding on and letting go, coming and going?

I have appointments at Mayo clinic this week. My first big heart tests. They now have a procedure that is a CAT scan angiogram. The original angiogram is the process of going in through the groin and threading a tube into your heart and then injecting dye. Once that has been completed a series of pictures are taken. These pictures show any arteries that have more than 60% blockage. Technologically speaking, the fact that this is now can be performed as a non-invasive procedure, is incredible. It works really only for those patients though who have not had any prior heart surgery. For example, my mom cannot have this type of CAT scan because the wires from her bypass would distort the images. So this procedure works simply. They inject me with dye, that part stays the same and so does the series of pictures that are taken. However, they are taking by the radiology approach. To top it off, I am my cardiologists youngest patient. I think that I make him nervous.

I know this posting is pretty random; my head is a little random. I am still preoccupied by the black birds that have no tails. Oh, how i love Mondays.