A New Constant
I am simply amazed by the tides of life; and the waves of change that wash over all of us. Recently I have been waltzing down memory lane, wondering how life would be different if...
I had to change that way of thinking because there is no future in yesterday. So I started wondering about life when:
I leave Arizona, for good
I am loved fully for who I am, not what I aim to become
I am the only one my nieces will confide in
I am all that my brothers have
These thoughts are all relative and wavy. Will I ever leave Arizona permanently, I cannot say. I am though, looking at opportunities outside this Grand Canyon State. My best friend is pregnant. I have no words for this news. She thinks that by telling me this beautiful news, it will bring me to her. For the first time I didn't argue with her; after all I am applying to grad schools in North Carolina.
That is another thing, I am applying to grad school. I made a decision of where I want to be in my life and what I can see myself doing. Ever since my first residency at Goddard I have wanted to teach there. With an MFA I can do just that. I can write and teach on a college level. This is what I want to do. I have been told that I could succeed in other areas, and I have often believed that I was not doing myself justice by pursuing these lucrative avenues. I see now, that I can have it all, by doing it my way. My achievements will be great, whether it is a short story that never sees the light of a printing press, a child, an impactful relationship with a student. These are all things that remind me that money is not all; and it certainly is not my driving force. Though, I do not live as if money was not important. This is an area that I aim to become more congruent in. I am proud of where I am. I have had some awesome experiences figuring out what it is that I am supposed to be doing. I am not sorry for taking many different paths. They were all the right path at the right time.
I now have two pugs and am reminded that all beings are unique. Little Lalli is certainly not the same as a Frodo. I wouldn't expect that. What amazes me is how unique they both are, and how uniquely they are both so obviously my dogs. I am happy with my life.
Consistently happy.
I had to change that way of thinking because there is no future in yesterday. So I started wondering about life when:
I leave Arizona, for good
I am loved fully for who I am, not what I aim to become
I am the only one my nieces will confide in
I am all that my brothers have
These thoughts are all relative and wavy. Will I ever leave Arizona permanently, I cannot say. I am though, looking at opportunities outside this Grand Canyon State. My best friend is pregnant. I have no words for this news. She thinks that by telling me this beautiful news, it will bring me to her. For the first time I didn't argue with her; after all I am applying to grad schools in North Carolina.
That is another thing, I am applying to grad school. I made a decision of where I want to be in my life and what I can see myself doing. Ever since my first residency at Goddard I have wanted to teach there. With an MFA I can do just that. I can write and teach on a college level. This is what I want to do. I have been told that I could succeed in other areas, and I have often believed that I was not doing myself justice by pursuing these lucrative avenues. I see now, that I can have it all, by doing it my way. My achievements will be great, whether it is a short story that never sees the light of a printing press, a child, an impactful relationship with a student. These are all things that remind me that money is not all; and it certainly is not my driving force. Though, I do not live as if money was not important. This is an area that I aim to become more congruent in. I am proud of where I am. I have had some awesome experiences figuring out what it is that I am supposed to be doing. I am not sorry for taking many different paths. They were all the right path at the right time.
I now have two pugs and am reminded that all beings are unique. Little Lalli is certainly not the same as a Frodo. I wouldn't expect that. What amazes me is how unique they both are, and how uniquely they are both so obviously my dogs. I am happy with my life.
Consistently happy.
posted by amandakate at 11:07 AM
1 Comments:
So I have added your blog to my favorites list and love dropping in ocassionally. You are an amazing writer and I truly enjoy your style and thoughts. I emailed with Letia awhile ago and she mentioned NC so I am guessing it is her you speak of when you are taking about your best friend being pregnant. Congrats to her and Mike. Amazing how we have all grown up and keep choosing different turns or possibly making u-turns on this journey. I wish you luck in your endeavor with grad school. It's an amazing feeling to finally get a grasp on what you want to be doing in life, all of a sudden everything else falls into place. I would love to email with you and hear about what you have been up to! I cant wait to read your next poems and short stories.Tara-troney@cfl.rr.com
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