I am a shitty mom, literally

Yesterday I was exhausted. Though I have no children, I have two dogs. I guess maybe I could say that I do have children. This point was driven home when I walked into my house after work yesterday. I have a puppy that I am crate training. If I could paint for you the picture that was presented before me upon opening my door; I do not know if you would continue to read any of my future blogs. I feel that this is a risk I must take. I unlocked the door and found myself knocked over the head with the most pungent stench. I was not aware until that moment that an odor could take physical form. I was gagging before I even knew what had happened. I look at my little baby girl inside her kennel. She is squealing and covered in shit. I knew there was some sort of reason behind the term puglet. I look at her. She looks at me, I am at a loss for actions. Explosive diarrhea, that is the assumption I come to. Please focus on the word explosive. There was poo dripping from places that seemed to defy laws of physics. For example, off of the top of the kennel, on the wall above the kennel, on the speakers surrounding the kennel, on her back, in her eye, in her mouth. Are you getting the idea? I am still unsure of what to do. It wasn't even so much as to where the shit was, it came to be where it wasn't. I could not find an answer to that question. I walked into the kitchen and turned on the water in the sink. I let it fill up. I open the front door, and leave the screen door closed. Little Lallibella Foo Foo is still squealing in her cage. I then hear a sound I had not anticipated on hearing; my own laughter, in between gags. I am laughing. I mean, really? Is this actually happening. Yes, yes it was.

I grab Lalli out of her cage while Frodo sits at the screen door barking at every shadow, rabbit, rock, cloud that passes by. He is my guard dog, he just hasn't realized that specifiedshadow/rabbit/rock/cloud will not attack me . I am washing Lalli in the sink. I am tapping my foot to the beat of Frodo's barks, he does have good rhythm. I start to shampoo the little shit covered puglet, when my foot is no longer tapping. At this point, puglet tries to make an escape and jumps on me. I am now wet and covered in shit too. I am laughing harder. But this distraction wears off when I realize Frodo has vacated his look out post to go all Kujo on this little kid down stairs. I drop everything, Sorry little Lalli. The water is still running. IApparently I am too, down the stairs. I look at this kid, cornered and terrified on his bike. I tell him that I didn't think Frodo would bite him. His fear did not leave his face but instead became a little more intense. I then wonder who he is more afraid of; my little dog, or me, sopping wet, my hair dredded with dog hair and water, and me layered in shit upon more shit. I am mortified, but still I laugh. I then have to try and catch Frodo. He wants to play ring around the rosy with me and this kid. I finally win... Lalli has been howling for about 3 minutes now. I remember the water is still running. Awesome. I leave the kid who is now quite possibly traumatized for life and return to my shit home.

That really was the highlight of the whole event. I ended up cleaning the cage for an hour, Lalli ended up smelling like coconuts, and Frodo decided to get ferocious with his squeaky fox. I cleaned the house, and the smell left. But for some reason, I could not shake this happiness. I still laugh when I think about it. I could easily have been upset, and overwhelmed, disgusted, etc... Instead I was by myself bursting into fits of laughter.

If anyone would like to say that their dog(s) are not their children, ask them if they have ever cleaned up their pet's vomit, diarrhea (explosive or not), helped them eat, gotten up in the middle of the night only to love them until they fall back asleep. If they answer no, then maybe it is I that am crazy. At the end of the day when I have two beautiful baby pugs snuggling on either side of me, I cannot tell you the love that I feel and the happiness that swells from somewhere within. Whether or not they are my babies, I am certainly their mom.