Homework #1

Ashtray
I used you.
Filled you with the dust of dreams,
my dreams,
her dreams.

I used you to use
me.
I was understood
when I tapped my insecurities
into your gaping mouth.

Never to be emptied
you filled up on empty moments,
lost time.
Notches carved into you,
adding to the lost minutes of my life.
Moments I willingly gave,
moments you will hastily takeaway.

A life of mine
I shared with a friend
over a casual smoke,
we paused
to resume
where we left off.

She and I
seperated
by life,
would connect easily over your hunger
miles apart.
You smiled your jack-o-lantern smile
at our secrets.

Damned we were
by your eagerness to be filled.
tales of laughter,
tales of tears,
were yours to bear witness.
I stopped seeing you
eight weeks
before she stopped seeing.

She stopped her life
and I wonder if she became
the ash we smoked
in your presence.

I miss you
like I miss her.

It burns and falls
away
only to be remembered
in those moments of insecurity.
Moments which I no longer hide
with a firestick and a container
to catch
the tears of my inhalations.