Ocean's and the Tango; Resolutions at Their Best

A blink closes the eyes, even if it is only for a moment. There is, in that fraction of a second, a chance for intrinsic reflection. A quiet examination that is both conscious and unconscious. Even within that tiniest instant these moments add up. An hour, a day, a month, the next breath we take opens our eyes to a new year. Here we are waking up to 2007, a new chance to begin with our old selves. I may be the strange one, and I probably will count on that actually; but I tend to find more anxiety than motivation in the beginning of a year. I find hope in discovering my footing in the now, in the everyday. Yes, we have these resolutions that we start to think of two weeks before the stroke of midnight on that evening established for new beginnings, but I have always silently questioned their staying power. Resolutions are what we say we will do in order to become a greater human being. They are what we believe may bring us happiness, love, joy, luck in the upcoming year.

I find myself dancing around the topic in which I am trying to bring up. Through a maze of lyrical jargon all I want to say is that I find myself overwhelmed at the beginning of a year. This idea of resolutions for me is a difficult one because I will never say that the idea of trying to better one’s self is wrong. I am a firm believer in the power of thought. It is this power that can provide the motivation that I believe guide people to become the best possible version of themselves. Though I have found that I work much better by simply forcing the best out of myself every day. What that really challenges me to do is offer a level of self-acceptance. I understand that my best will always vary. I used to set myself up just so someone else would catch me. I ached to be picked up for years. I finally realized that the only consistent person around to pick me up was in fact myself. I was the only one who could offer the strength I so desperately searched for. I like the idea of setting New Year’s resolutions but I find that these ideals often become hidden from the tasks of the everyday. My days become cluttered with the responsibilities surrounding life; paying for groceries ends up trumping those tango lessons I wanted to take last year. Not to mention that the goal of swimming in the ocean is unfortunately bypassed because a pressing family matter used up my vacation days. The act of living sometimes tends to force these desires of mine into the journal that houses my dreams for this lifetime. The only thing that I feel when I cannot realize these goals I so carefully thought out is guilt. I feel as if I let myself down. I make no excuses for my life and am honestly quite happy with the path that I am currently on, but I am not above disappointment or frustration. I have discovered that if I do not stand for my goals than it will be impossible for anyone to stand by me while I pursue these endeavors. Which in a roundabout way brings me to the end, a resolve if you will; if we all simply challenge ourselves everyday a new resolution may be reached much more quickly than if we wait for a specific time and date to change our lives. A new future is ready every day not just New Year’s Day. Turns out I do have a new years resolution. I will be setting new goals constantly and I will believe that I am consistently able to achieve these ambitions of mine, no matter how great or how insignificant they may be. They are mine and this is the year that I will own them.

Cheers to 2007!