a blog of imperfection

I am getting older; my priorities are shifting. I would prefer to come home and write for hours instead of hitting the local bar. The once intimidating white screen provides a challenge. A challenge that I am up to. I like this letting go of perfection. I have become comfortable with this "non-perfection" experiment. I think I am actually doing everything better. I am taking more risks. I am making my life more livable to me. I am going to be proud of my life. All of this because I let go of people's expectations of me, and chose to focus on my own expectations. I never realized just how influenced I was by everyone and anyone's opinion (stated or assumed). I assure you that it was not a healthy influence. It was like hearing my negative self-talk in stereo. I set myself up to fall. What changed?

I am tired...of convincing people I am okay. You see, I played the victim for so long and sometimes old behaviors creep in and I will grasp for the comfort of self-inflicted misery. Though I am standing on my own now. I am a survivor. I will thrive. It is my turn to believe in something. Right now I choose to believe in the power of me. I robbed myself of the strength that was inherently mine; again I set myself up to fail. I am giving it back; I will stand up for what I believe in. I am accepting responsibility for my success and my mistakes. I choose to stand here and face my life. I have stopped running. I am tired of being sick.

I have arrived