How to paint...

I have been painting for about 8 months. I don't paint landscapes, nor do I paint seascapes. Abstract paint baffles me, as well. I prefer to paint people...into corners. Here is your guide to paint like a pro in just 20 steps.

1. Come to an understanding that you have decided that there is one person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
2. Know this person; it would be preferable if you had a history with this person that was maybe a little tumultuous.
3. Really, really know that this is it and you are willing to sacrifice anything to make it work
4. Now call up this person, and reintroduce yourself into said persons life.
5. Make sure they are either going through a breakup, just went through a breakup, or are debating a breakup
6. Really be there for them, listen to their heartache (there will be some, they couldn't always love you)
7. Rally yourself for the kicker
8. Simply say, " I am ready"
9. At this point hopefully they exclaim in elatedness "oh thank god!"
9a. If they do jump for joy then you should simply stick to drawing; also please reference #2. Did you fib about the "tumultuous" factor? yep, i thought so
Okay for the rest of the Matisse's out there, keep up. On to the new number 9.
9. "umm, ready for what?" let the brushstrokes begin. Soft and slow, remember be gentle with the brush...
10. You tell them exactly how you feel and how you have never been understood by anyone like this person understood you.
11. As we move into the more intense feelings i suggest choosing your colors wisely; fall in love, believe in it, live in it, and begin to have expectations, though said person needs to take some time due to #2 and #5
12. Disregard their requests, and use a bigger paintbrush to make wider strokes.
13. Believe the love that you feel really has to be the same thing opposed person is feeling, they are obviously lying to themselves.
14. Start paying attention to the details; constantly give this person your power, how else can you show how serious you are. Do you want them to be disappointed in any decision you make? Simply choose not to decide.
15. Take a step back from your painting, do you notice what's missing? Blame the other, again, said person. Remember you gave them all of the power. You are powerless.
16. Seek refuge in person's arms. Again we go back to the painting with small, but intense strokes.
17. Ask for opinion regarding painting; after all, you are painting this picture for them, you want to make sure they like it.
18. If they hesitate for even half a second, offer to paint something, anything else. You never want to disappoint.
19. Continue these steps until you become invisible and referenced person can no longer do anything because he/she is standing in a corner with wet paint all around.
20. Regard your work with great clarity

*About the author*
Amanda, who has come off her most recent work, claims her painting has proven to be life changing. She recommends you put down the paintbrushes and skip to #20. What did you paint? Did it destroy you or other; or both? Remove your blinders and start to listen to that actual needs of your partner. If you are lucky enough to have a person that you have survived #2 & #5 with and can smile and love each other, find a way to talk and to cherish. Amanda lives in Scottsdale, AZ with her pug and her regret for having ever picked up a paintbrush.