Moving On...
I remember reading somewhere that one of the greatest stress inducers besides death and public speaking is moving. After moving for the 11th time in 9 years, I believe that I can attest to this theory. However, there is an immeasurable amount of relief when one has completely moved out of an old dwelling and into a new one. I am again living by myself. It is the first time in 4 years and even though I am far from being settled I feel a kind of peace that has been lacking in my life for some time. It has nothing to do with the fact that I had roommate issues or anything like that, but has everything to do with taking one more step and being able to create a home that is in itself a great sanctuary.
I moved into this great complex in Old Town Scottsdale. It is a space of great energy and awesome tenants, two of who came to introduce themselves carrying three vodka tonics to my front door. We did the regular introductions followed by a toast to my moving into this community. Really? This actually happens to people? As the three of us sat overlooking the pool trading stories of how we all ended up here on this beautiful evening, our landlord walked up and welcomed me with a hug and a nice bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. I hadn’t even lived here for more than 12 hours and I was already among friends. For me to live by myself is a personal accomplishment that I am not taking lightly; financially, I am secure enough to live here, and socially there is no room for loneliness with the incredible friends I have around me.
The process of moving is a really hard thing for me to do. I notice that I tend to walk around in circles wondering where to start first. I believe everyone needs a friend that is willing to come over and keep you on track. Consider the bottle of wine they bring a sign of a great friend. The people that came to help me in my final hours at the old place was one of those things that just made me feel good. I always manage to find something in my life to be insecure about and it is usually that I have a very small group of friends, though, they are as solid of 100 friends. But I could not find an ounce of insecurity as I sat cleaning side by side with these people who mean so much to me.
The weather is getting warmer and my life is in the spring stages, blossoming in so many ways. I really feel as if I have come full circle. The phase of my life in my old apartment was full of tumultuous and wonderful memories tucked into a nice part of my mind. But moving out of there was equivalent to shedding this shell that I have constructed over the past few years. I noticed ways in which I still grieve for the people I lost in my life. I know that I will continue to heal in my own little ways but this time I get to come around when I choose to, and in my own space. Which happens to be such an incredibly intimate and caring environment. Right now, and how it just so happens to have been for an ongoing amount of time, I feel both blessed and proud. This pride is a new thing; it comes from acknowledging that I am where I am because of specific actions that I have taken. I am now able to say that I have a fun life because I do. It is only now that I know I have worked to create it and I feel like I deserve it. A toast: to finding comfort in personal space and holding onto the peace it creates.
I moved into this great complex in Old Town Scottsdale. It is a space of great energy and awesome tenants, two of who came to introduce themselves carrying three vodka tonics to my front door. We did the regular introductions followed by a toast to my moving into this community. Really? This actually happens to people? As the three of us sat overlooking the pool trading stories of how we all ended up here on this beautiful evening, our landlord walked up and welcomed me with a hug and a nice bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. I hadn’t even lived here for more than 12 hours and I was already among friends. For me to live by myself is a personal accomplishment that I am not taking lightly; financially, I am secure enough to live here, and socially there is no room for loneliness with the incredible friends I have around me.
The process of moving is a really hard thing for me to do. I notice that I tend to walk around in circles wondering where to start first. I believe everyone needs a friend that is willing to come over and keep you on track. Consider the bottle of wine they bring a sign of a great friend. The people that came to help me in my final hours at the old place was one of those things that just made me feel good. I always manage to find something in my life to be insecure about and it is usually that I have a very small group of friends, though, they are as solid of 100 friends. But I could not find an ounce of insecurity as I sat cleaning side by side with these people who mean so much to me.
The weather is getting warmer and my life is in the spring stages, blossoming in so many ways. I really feel as if I have come full circle. The phase of my life in my old apartment was full of tumultuous and wonderful memories tucked into a nice part of my mind. But moving out of there was equivalent to shedding this shell that I have constructed over the past few years. I noticed ways in which I still grieve for the people I lost in my life. I know that I will continue to heal in my own little ways but this time I get to come around when I choose to, and in my own space. Which happens to be such an incredibly intimate and caring environment. Right now, and how it just so happens to have been for an ongoing amount of time, I feel both blessed and proud. This pride is a new thing; it comes from acknowledging that I am where I am because of specific actions that I have taken. I am now able to say that I have a fun life because I do. It is only now that I know I have worked to create it and I feel like I deserve it. A toast: to finding comfort in personal space and holding onto the peace it creates.
posted by amandakate at 6:36 PM
3 Comments:
i'm happy for you AK. so much for the pact to not "disappear" though... there's a difference between making people non-priority and cutting them out completely- it's clear which you chose. hope all is well
sean
Well, this comment was going to be a warm fuzzy comment about how great your new place was and how lucky I feel to have shared your first night there with you. My warm fuzzies disappeared, though, as I got to the comment page and saw the one comment left before mine. Sad how someone can comment on your beautiful thoughts with the ILLUSION of being happy for you when he is really just posting his own selfishness and inablility to see beyond his own feelings of what the situation is for HIM, not for both of you. I guess his opinions are supposed to be #1 even on YOUR BLOG. Kinda makes me nauseous, really, knowing what REALLY happened.
Anyways, I'm extremely happy for you and I hope this new place holds all of the comfort and peace you are searching for.
I love you!
My blog is about living, i.e. loving, losing, growing. It is about perspective and how minor actions can cause great ripples, and that the reverse of that is equally true. The first comment on this page has been resolved, I left it up here, because what he states is true. Heather's comment comes from that of a good friend, one who stays loyal. I am lucky to have people read and share their thoughts and interact with others comments. This post spoke of peace, which i have; it also spoke of friends, which I also have. Thanks for reading!
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