Delicate Changes within the Psyche

Stories are good; they can heal, they may offer quiet moments of reflection, they eventually have the power to change us. I just finished The Memory Keeper's Daughter, by Kim Edwards. The power in this book is found in the momentum that is built through fluid writing, breathtaking imagery, and the thread of humanness that is embroidered throughout this novel. I love books that allow me to escape my life; romantic love affairs that take my breath away, intense thrillers that force me to be more aware of my surroundings. The Memory Keeper's Daughter offers a bit of escapism, but not much. It is not a romance, nor a thriller, it is not an epic story of insurmountable courage. It is a story of what it means to be human. It is as real as a novel can be. Edwards, an accomplished short story writer, taps into the darkest parts of the soul and fractures it into an explosion of secrecy, redemption, understanding and compassion. A man, a decent man who happens to be a doctor, is forced to deliver his own child. Unaware that his wife is about to give birth to twins he delivers a healthy baby boy and hands him over to the nurse. While this man is comforting his wife he realizes that there is another child about to be born. He delivers his daughter, she is born with Down syndrome. At that moment he makes a decision to have the nurse take the baby girl to an institution. He will tell his wife that she gave birth to twins but that her daughter died. This man will go on to live with this secret. A mother will raise one child and mourn the death of a daughter she never got to see. A nurse, a woman, will have the opportunity to change her life and the life of a little girl. A boy will grow up beside the shadow of his "dead" twin sister. The story is told from the perspective of these four people.

When I am reading a book I am constantly trying to decipher and predict what will happen within the walls of these tightly woven stories. I cannot remember the last time that I became so caught up in the lives of the characters that I didn't see what was coming next. I got blindsided a couple times through the course of these chapters. I was not left untouched nor with dry eyes. This is a poignant story. It is a story about secrets, and everyone has secrets, that is what makes this book so powerful. Edwards' words invoke a new level of awareness which I will now carry with me. I am changed, with all the intricacy and ease that a string of words can bring about. I will take care to tread lightly in matters that may appear trivial and yet may have deep roots. There are stories out there that remind me why I read, this is one of those such stories. I am changed; delicately but deeply.

Ocean's and the Tango; Resolutions at Their Best

A blink closes the eyes, even if it is only for a moment. There is, in that fraction of a second, a chance for intrinsic reflection. A quiet examination that is both conscious and unconscious. Even within that tiniest instant these moments add up. An hour, a day, a month, the next breath we take opens our eyes to a new year. Here we are waking up to 2007, a new chance to begin with our old selves. I may be the strange one, and I probably will count on that actually; but I tend to find more anxiety than motivation in the beginning of a year. I find hope in discovering my footing in the now, in the everyday. Yes, we have these resolutions that we start to think of two weeks before the stroke of midnight on that evening established for new beginnings, but I have always silently questioned their staying power. Resolutions are what we say we will do in order to become a greater human being. They are what we believe may bring us happiness, love, joy, luck in the upcoming year.

I find myself dancing around the topic in which I am trying to bring up. Through a maze of lyrical jargon all I want to say is that I find myself overwhelmed at the beginning of a year. This idea of resolutions for me is a difficult one because I will never say that the idea of trying to better one’s self is wrong. I am a firm believer in the power of thought. It is this power that can provide the motivation that I believe guide people to become the best possible version of themselves. Though I have found that I work much better by simply forcing the best out of myself every day. What that really challenges me to do is offer a level of self-acceptance. I understand that my best will always vary. I used to set myself up just so someone else would catch me. I ached to be picked up for years. I finally realized that the only consistent person around to pick me up was in fact myself. I was the only one who could offer the strength I so desperately searched for. I like the idea of setting New Year’s resolutions but I find that these ideals often become hidden from the tasks of the everyday. My days become cluttered with the responsibilities surrounding life; paying for groceries ends up trumping those tango lessons I wanted to take last year. Not to mention that the goal of swimming in the ocean is unfortunately bypassed because a pressing family matter used up my vacation days. The act of living sometimes tends to force these desires of mine into the journal that houses my dreams for this lifetime. The only thing that I feel when I cannot realize these goals I so carefully thought out is guilt. I feel as if I let myself down. I make no excuses for my life and am honestly quite happy with the path that I am currently on, but I am not above disappointment or frustration. I have discovered that if I do not stand for my goals than it will be impossible for anyone to stand by me while I pursue these endeavors. Which in a roundabout way brings me to the end, a resolve if you will; if we all simply challenge ourselves everyday a new resolution may be reached much more quickly than if we wait for a specific time and date to change our lives. A new future is ready every day not just New Year’s Day. Turns out I do have a new years resolution. I will be setting new goals constantly and I will believe that I am consistently able to achieve these ambitions of mine, no matter how great or how insignificant they may be. They are mine and this is the year that I will own them.

Cheers to 2007!